Monday, January 30, 2012
Reserved Playlist - Monday, January 30th, 2012
Lions, Tigers, Bears
Jazmine Sullivan
Fearless
So Into You
Tamia
More
Smile
Tamia
More
Under the Bridge
All Saints
All Saints
You Don't Miss Your Water
Craig David
Slicker Than Your Average
Picture Perfect
Andreena Mill
All Eyez On Me
You're My #1
I can't sleep :( It's weird that I was able to fall asleep effortlessly for the past week, but I slept in on Saturday and now I'm wide-awake. It's 3:50am. Thing is, this isn't new for me, I've habitually stayed up late since I was in the age of single-digits.
Part of why I can't sleep is because I feel like I have unfinished business. And today you'll get to hear the story of "#1 Brazilian".
Our history dates back to September 2007 - Frosh! I was waiting for my bus to commute home on the first night of Frosh since my friend who was my ride decided she'd rather stay at the rez of some new friends she made. #1 Brazilian was at the bus stop as well. I don't remember how we started talking, but it was easy and fun because of the openess Frosh creates, and novelty of the university experience we anticipated days ahead.
We rode the bus home together, and I figured that would be the first and last time I'd see this friend of mine; I thought nothing of it.
During the first week we had a philosophy class together, took the bus at the same time 3 mornings a week, AND, randomly rented lockers right beside each other. As you can probably guess, with time and increased positive interactions, #1 Brazilian grew on me in a big way - there wasn't anything I didn't admire about him. I remember we'd rub each other's hands to keep each other warm as we'd wait for the bus; our knees would touch in philosophy class (and he would always save a spot for me); laughing at the silliest things, I always had a good time with him.
The problem with me was that although I was in university, my mind was still in high school mode where I wanted everything to move quickly. I thought that if chemistry was present, one person should obviously ask the other person out, you date for 4 years, then you get married, have kids, have a joyful career and happily ever after. Although I didn't tell him what was my philosophy at the time, I likely came on too strong through my actions.
Second semester we didn't have any classes together, and I hardly saw him while waiting for the bus - this forced me to cool down (even though I imagined a whole bunch of extravagant scenarios over the break where he'd ask me to be his girlfriend). #1 Brazilian found his niche, and group of friends who shared that niche. We didn't really even talk that much.
To be honest, I was slightly resentful because I really thought we had a connection, I thought he could feel it. I was incredibly attracted to him in more ways than one. I didn't see him at all for 2 yrs, until last week, for a brief moment. Then all of the feelings came back.
Last night I had a very intense dream, the details of which I cannot disclose ;) I woke up wishing that dream was real life. And now I can't stop thinking about him, the dream, and the good memories of first year.
The knowledge that I'm graduating after this semester is liberating, but also carries some pressure. I'll be meeting new people, learning new things, and encountering new experiences. Which empowers me to decide what I want to leave as the last impression on my current relationships - of particular relevance, the one with #1 Brazilian.
I've decided that I'm going to tell him that I had a crush on him. Naw, that sounds too high school. I think instead I'll say I had a strong attraction to him since first year, and over time it has intensified and deepened? I was trying to be sensual...that's never been my strong suit though! Anyways, I'll work on my script.
Why is doing this so important to me? Because who knows, maybe he feels the same way. If not, I'm probably not going to bump into him as often afterwards, so I'll only feel embarrassed for that moment.
Part of why I can't sleep is because I feel like I have unfinished business. And today you'll get to hear the story of "#1 Brazilian".
Our history dates back to September 2007 - Frosh! I was waiting for my bus to commute home on the first night of Frosh since my friend who was my ride decided she'd rather stay at the rez of some new friends she made. #1 Brazilian was at the bus stop as well. I don't remember how we started talking, but it was easy and fun because of the openess Frosh creates, and novelty of the university experience we anticipated days ahead.
We rode the bus home together, and I figured that would be the first and last time I'd see this friend of mine; I thought nothing of it.
During the first week we had a philosophy class together, took the bus at the same time 3 mornings a week, AND, randomly rented lockers right beside each other. As you can probably guess, with time and increased positive interactions, #1 Brazilian grew on me in a big way - there wasn't anything I didn't admire about him. I remember we'd rub each other's hands to keep each other warm as we'd wait for the bus; our knees would touch in philosophy class (and he would always save a spot for me); laughing at the silliest things, I always had a good time with him.
The problem with me was that although I was in university, my mind was still in high school mode where I wanted everything to move quickly. I thought that if chemistry was present, one person should obviously ask the other person out, you date for 4 years, then you get married, have kids, have a joyful career and happily ever after. Although I didn't tell him what was my philosophy at the time, I likely came on too strong through my actions.
Second semester we didn't have any classes together, and I hardly saw him while waiting for the bus - this forced me to cool down (even though I imagined a whole bunch of extravagant scenarios over the break where he'd ask me to be his girlfriend). #1 Brazilian found his niche, and group of friends who shared that niche. We didn't really even talk that much.
To be honest, I was slightly resentful because I really thought we had a connection, I thought he could feel it. I was incredibly attracted to him in more ways than one. I didn't see him at all for 2 yrs, until last week, for a brief moment. Then all of the feelings came back.
Last night I had a very intense dream, the details of which I cannot disclose ;) I woke up wishing that dream was real life. And now I can't stop thinking about him, the dream, and the good memories of first year.
The knowledge that I'm graduating after this semester is liberating, but also carries some pressure. I'll be meeting new people, learning new things, and encountering new experiences. Which empowers me to decide what I want to leave as the last impression on my current relationships - of particular relevance, the one with #1 Brazilian.
I've decided that I'm going to tell him that I had a crush on him. Naw, that sounds too high school. I think instead I'll say I had a strong attraction to him since first year, and over time it has intensified and deepened? I was trying to be sensual...that's never been my strong suit though! Anyways, I'll work on my script.
Why is doing this so important to me? Because who knows, maybe he feels the same way. If not, I'm probably not going to bump into him as often afterwards, so I'll only feel embarrassed for that moment.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Reserved
"Reserved" is the title of my online radio show that I'm co-hosting with my friend Brandon this semester. This is going to be my third year of hosting a radio show after a 1 year hiatus - it sure feels like it's been awhile!
Our show is a talk show where we also play some tunes, but we're still finding our groove regarding the direction we want to take it in. Since health is a key interest of mine, I usually end up sneaking at least one topic, and Brandon does the same with relevant politics.
The show airs on Mondays from 4pm to 5pm online, but I'm also planning to upload the podcasts onto a separate website once I get a hold of the episodes. Depending on where we take it this term, we might choose to continue forward with the show after we graduate, even if the concepts change. But, we shall see!
Our show is a talk show where we also play some tunes, but we're still finding our groove regarding the direction we want to take it in. Since health is a key interest of mine, I usually end up sneaking at least one topic, and Brandon does the same with relevant politics.
The show airs on Mondays from 4pm to 5pm online, but I'm also planning to upload the podcasts onto a separate website once I get a hold of the episodes. Depending on where we take it this term, we might choose to continue forward with the show after we graduate, even if the concepts change. But, we shall see!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Reserved Playlist - Monday, January 23rd, 2012
Don't Lie
Black Eyed Peas
Monkey Business
Gone Going
Black Eyed Peas
Monkey Business
Energy
Keri Hilson
In a Perfect World
Go on Girl
Ne-Yo
Because of You
Build You Up
Nelly Furtado
Folklore
Try
Nelly Furtado
Folklore
Better in Time
Leona Lewis
Spirit
Black Eyed Peas
Monkey Business
Gone Going
Black Eyed Peas
Monkey Business
Energy
Keri Hilson
In a Perfect World
Go on Girl
Ne-Yo
Because of You
Build You Up
Nelly Furtado
Folklore
Try
Nelly Furtado
Folklore
Better in Time
Leona Lewis
Spirit
Friday, January 6, 2012
Green Dot Campaign
*click the title for more info*
I feel very fortunate because it's the first week of the new year, and I've attended a workshop that is empowering, and educational.
The Green Dot campaign is an initiative to reduce power-based personal violence which come in the forms of sexual violence, partner violence, and stalking violence. The workshop focuses on the bystander's role when faced with a violent, or potentially violent situation. It was very interactive, addressed reasons that may hinder us from stepping in, and we watched real-life situations of humanity not helping each other. And of course, we learned how can we take action, whether it be proactive (ie. becoming trained in a workshop such as this), or reactive (ie. directly, distractedly, or by delegating).
I learned a lot about myself and the reasons that I tend to not get involved, whether it be because I feel an interaction that doesn't directly involve me is not any of my business, or because I hesitate due to distrust of how my good intentions may be abused, or end up hurting me. I wish that this training had been offered during my training to become a Residence Advisor, because I would've felt more confident in my decisions to intervene. But that's life, you encounter experiences, you reflect upon them, and you adjust for the better.
After completing the 6 hour training, I feel capable, just like when I finish my annual CPR recerts. All in all, I want to be able to go anywhere and feel that I can handle any situation that I come across, and that if I see an inappropriate situation, I can help.
A clip that stands out to me took place at a subway station. A man began to seizure, and fell onto the tracks just as the train was approaching. Another man, with 2 young children, jumped between the tracks, and held the seizuring man, and himself, within the space that is between the tracks and waited for the train the pass over (with 0.5 inches to spare!). I thought that was absolutely incredible! I should add that this hero was a navy seal and was trained in how to protect, and to be reactive in an emergency.
For some people, the inclination to protect, take action, be a leader - these are ingrained. Which is why I am especially encouraged to attend workshops such as this. There are traits within myself that I would like to strengthen and nurture, and participating and really taking in this experience is a step in the right direction of many actions required to help me become more like what I would like to see myself as.
I would strongly recommend attending a training session to anyone who aims to become more educated about humanity matters (especially regarding violence), along with anyone who is interested in self-empowerment.
I feel very fortunate because it's the first week of the new year, and I've attended a workshop that is empowering, and educational.
The Green Dot campaign is an initiative to reduce power-based personal violence which come in the forms of sexual violence, partner violence, and stalking violence. The workshop focuses on the bystander's role when faced with a violent, or potentially violent situation. It was very interactive, addressed reasons that may hinder us from stepping in, and we watched real-life situations of humanity not helping each other. And of course, we learned how can we take action, whether it be proactive (ie. becoming trained in a workshop such as this), or reactive (ie. directly, distractedly, or by delegating).
I learned a lot about myself and the reasons that I tend to not get involved, whether it be because I feel an interaction that doesn't directly involve me is not any of my business, or because I hesitate due to distrust of how my good intentions may be abused, or end up hurting me. I wish that this training had been offered during my training to become a Residence Advisor, because I would've felt more confident in my decisions to intervene. But that's life, you encounter experiences, you reflect upon them, and you adjust for the better.
After completing the 6 hour training, I feel capable, just like when I finish my annual CPR recerts. All in all, I want to be able to go anywhere and feel that I can handle any situation that I come across, and that if I see an inappropriate situation, I can help.
A clip that stands out to me took place at a subway station. A man began to seizure, and fell onto the tracks just as the train was approaching. Another man, with 2 young children, jumped between the tracks, and held the seizuring man, and himself, within the space that is between the tracks and waited for the train the pass over (with 0.5 inches to spare!). I thought that was absolutely incredible! I should add that this hero was a navy seal and was trained in how to protect, and to be reactive in an emergency.
For some people, the inclination to protect, take action, be a leader - these are ingrained. Which is why I am especially encouraged to attend workshops such as this. There are traits within myself that I would like to strengthen and nurture, and participating and really taking in this experience is a step in the right direction of many actions required to help me become more like what I would like to see myself as.
I would strongly recommend attending a training session to anyone who aims to become more educated about humanity matters (especially regarding violence), along with anyone who is interested in self-empowerment.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
My 2012: Hair Goals
February 29th, 2008, I went to a local barber to get my own "big chop". In the black community, for at least most women, our hair encapsulates multiple meanings, and it is no different for me.
When I was younger, I had no knowledge of how to take care of my own hair, and my mother and grandmother would give me bi-monthly perms - chemical straighteners. Then in high school I was tired of the limitations I had. For example, I was told I couldn't go swimming because the chlorine would make my hair fall off. I was also told I couldn't leave my hair wet because it would break off. I just listened because I believed my elders knew better than me, I mean, how can I compete with life experience?
So, instead, in grade 12 I texturized my hair because I was told by a hairdresser that it is a lighter, more natural, and healthier hair straightener. After seeing how bad my hair looked, I just wore hair extensions.
University has been a massive learning experience for me because it's encouraged me to be critical of everything I am told, and has emphasized the value of research. I started watching YouTube so I gained knowledge regarding how to take care of my natural hair - then I cut off the chemically treated ends to start fresh.
I like to think that I've started a revolution at my campus (ha ha) because I noticed many more natural females after me. Maybe it was timing, maybe it was because I became more aware, or maybe I was influential...I'll believe the latter!
Anyways, this past summer I took my first semester off for a much needed break, and realized...I was doing it all wrong, and I actually didn't know much. I started investing in a hair care library, and am devoted to several hair care gurus on youtube...I have learned so much! I was planning to start all over again with the big chop, but I've decided not to.
I'd like to devote part of this blog towards documenting my hair growth! On December 25th, I spent 12 hours installing braid extensions, which will protect my hair for the next 6-8 weeks. After I take them out, I plan to measure the length of my hair, report on its condition (ie. split ends), and mention any hair products or treatments of interest. I aim to do this every month. February 29th this year will make 4 years that I have been natural, and my hair would be longer and healthier if I had known what I was doing 4 years ago - if only I knew then what I know now. Overall, my goal is for my hair length to be at the middle of my back by February 29th, 2016.
P.S. The lady in the YouTube clip is not me, but I wanted to show an example of the experience of making such a dramatic, symbolic change. I must say, she is absolutely gorgeous :)
When I was younger, I had no knowledge of how to take care of my own hair, and my mother and grandmother would give me bi-monthly perms - chemical straighteners. Then in high school I was tired of the limitations I had. For example, I was told I couldn't go swimming because the chlorine would make my hair fall off. I was also told I couldn't leave my hair wet because it would break off. I just listened because I believed my elders knew better than me, I mean, how can I compete with life experience?
So, instead, in grade 12 I texturized my hair because I was told by a hairdresser that it is a lighter, more natural, and healthier hair straightener. After seeing how bad my hair looked, I just wore hair extensions.
University has been a massive learning experience for me because it's encouraged me to be critical of everything I am told, and has emphasized the value of research. I started watching YouTube so I gained knowledge regarding how to take care of my natural hair - then I cut off the chemically treated ends to start fresh.
I like to think that I've started a revolution at my campus (ha ha) because I noticed many more natural females after me. Maybe it was timing, maybe it was because I became more aware, or maybe I was influential...I'll believe the latter!
Anyways, this past summer I took my first semester off for a much needed break, and realized...I was doing it all wrong, and I actually didn't know much. I started investing in a hair care library, and am devoted to several hair care gurus on youtube...I have learned so much! I was planning to start all over again with the big chop, but I've decided not to.
I'd like to devote part of this blog towards documenting my hair growth! On December 25th, I spent 12 hours installing braid extensions, which will protect my hair for the next 6-8 weeks. After I take them out, I plan to measure the length of my hair, report on its condition (ie. split ends), and mention any hair products or treatments of interest. I aim to do this every month. February 29th this year will make 4 years that I have been natural, and my hair would be longer and healthier if I had known what I was doing 4 years ago - if only I knew then what I know now. Overall, my goal is for my hair length to be at the middle of my back by February 29th, 2016.
P.S. The lady in the YouTube clip is not me, but I wanted to show an example of the experience of making such a dramatic, symbolic change. I must say, she is absolutely gorgeous :)
My 2012: Academic Goals
Well, well, well. It is my final semester, and I just need to complete 3 courses, then I'll be able to obtain my degree! I really messed up my first 2 years, but onwards I've learned so many things, and it truly could have turned out much worse.
Every semester I aim for a 4.0 GPA, and A's in every class, but then the semester progresses, and my dedication in comparison to other things is tested. So this time, I just hope to stick to a consistent study schedule so that I'm not regretfully cramming days before my exams, promising myself that the next time around I will not torture myself this way again.
Our academic department recommends studying 1.5 to 3 hours for every hour of class that one has. Of course the requirements for every individual varies based on course load, other commitments, along with the time of the term. One of the things I've learned about myself is, after 2 hours, I can't concentrate anymore. So, I have decided that every day, I will study for one 3-hour session, and one 2-hour session - with a 10 minute break after 50 minutes - spread out during the day, allowing me to work, volunteer, and socialize in between. On the weekends, I will do one 2-hour block so that I'm still in somewhat of a routine, but also get to enjoy my weekend and focus on other tasks.
What it comes down to is, everyone is different - we all have our different peak efficient times of the day (evenings for me, I LOVE staying up late!), and we all need to utilize different methods and respect the amount of time it takes to learn material, while also considering other courses and other responsibilities. Every situation is different. So, rather than compare myself to my amazing high school days, and to people who seem to be effortlessly brilliant, I will instead use my time in my own way.
Finally, a goal of mine this year is to get accepted to a naturopathic medical school. There are 2 in Canada, and 5 in the States. I put all of my eggs in one basket because I don't want to leave Toronto, it's my home. I submitted my application a few weeks ago and will continue to hope for the best, in addition to trying my best. That means whipping myself into shape, as something I struggle with at times is procrastination and bipolar willpower and self-control.
Every semester I aim for a 4.0 GPA, and A's in every class, but then the semester progresses, and my dedication in comparison to other things is tested. So this time, I just hope to stick to a consistent study schedule so that I'm not regretfully cramming days before my exams, promising myself that the next time around I will not torture myself this way again.
Our academic department recommends studying 1.5 to 3 hours for every hour of class that one has. Of course the requirements for every individual varies based on course load, other commitments, along with the time of the term. One of the things I've learned about myself is, after 2 hours, I can't concentrate anymore. So, I have decided that every day, I will study for one 3-hour session, and one 2-hour session - with a 10 minute break after 50 minutes - spread out during the day, allowing me to work, volunteer, and socialize in between. On the weekends, I will do one 2-hour block so that I'm still in somewhat of a routine, but also get to enjoy my weekend and focus on other tasks.
What it comes down to is, everyone is different - we all have our different peak efficient times of the day (evenings for me, I LOVE staying up late!), and we all need to utilize different methods and respect the amount of time it takes to learn material, while also considering other courses and other responsibilities. Every situation is different. So, rather than compare myself to my amazing high school days, and to people who seem to be effortlessly brilliant, I will instead use my time in my own way.
Finally, a goal of mine this year is to get accepted to a naturopathic medical school. There are 2 in Canada, and 5 in the States. I put all of my eggs in one basket because I don't want to leave Toronto, it's my home. I submitted my application a few weeks ago and will continue to hope for the best, in addition to trying my best. That means whipping myself into shape, as something I struggle with at times is procrastination and bipolar willpower and self-control.
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