YouTube Channel Initiated!

Hello everyone!

So I've finally gotten through the first semester of the Naturopathic Medicine program at the Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine (CCNM)! I have so much to share, which I intend to do so during this holiday break.

However, in this post I wanted to mention that I finally uploaded a few videos to my YouTube channel (fanoflifend). I am such a beginner that it's kind of funny, but I become more excited with each video I make. Whenever I make a new video, I'll be tying it to this blog as a heads up, but so far, below are my first 4 videos:

1. First YouTube Video
In this video I talk about why I was interested in starting a channel, along with some of the topics I plan to upload.

2. Focus, Time Management, and DO What YOU Need To Do
In this video I talk about my experience during the first midterm session experienced at CCNM, along with the 3 biggest lessons I've taken away from it.

3. Tracking Unobsessively
Here I change topics and focus on monitoring hair growth.

4. Final Exams as Challenges
The week before exams we had a guest speaker in my Health Psychology class. His name is Daniel Bax, and he shared his experience which led to him finding his purpose of being. His talk was inspirational to me, and helped me to view my exams in a different perspective.

I have so much to share with you both within this blog and on my YouTube channel, so I hope that you enjoy and take away some valuable points!

In the meantime, enjoy your holidays :)

So Inspired!

It is certainly crunch time right now, but last Thursday there was an event I was so drawn to that I left the books that evening and attended that instead.

During these past few months I've had two instructors who have been incredibly influential in my mindset towards this program: my History and Philosophy professor - Dr.Anthony Godfrey, and my Health Psychology TA - Dr.Jodi Larry

In particular, the few lectures I've been privileged to have by Dr. Godfrey has opened my eyes towards higher consciousness and one's spirituality. Also, being a student in Dr. Larry's Psychology practical, she has shared many skills that she has learned through her personal experiences, of which I probably would not learn until much later in the game by encountering similar experiences myself. Another valuable thing I've learned from both of them is shifting my outlook on things - there's so much beneath the surface, and if we approach people from a judgmental stance, we're not going to see anything below the tip of the iceberg.

A personal endeavour I've taken on is to learn more about spirituality and how to become more aware of my own because I've seen that when people are connected with themselves and the Universe, their outlook, mindset, and perceptions of stressors are completely different from those who are less spiritually aware. Life aligns for them. A way I've chosen to fulfill that endeavour is to join a group with other spiritually-minded individuals, which will expose me to this realm by seeing what other people have learned, and are learning. So, last week, the group held a panel about Spirituality and Life, which felt like the perfect starting point for me.

I have so much I want to say about the panel itself, but overall, I've been noticing origins in shifting the way I think. Overall, I've been thinking more along the lines of us being here to help one another, rather than approaching life in a cut-throat, me-me-me manner that was quite adaptive for go-getters in undergrad. I'm also starting to look at the problematic relationships in my life - relationships that I do not want to end. Rather than looking at it strictly from an angle directed at me where I feel victimized and as though I'm not being treated fairly, I'm starting to think about the other person - what might be their reasons for how they're treating me, and they may not even be aware that they're projecting things onto me when I'm not actually the problem. At times, the way I'm treated can't nor should be justified, but it also reminds me that I need to grow a thicker skin, learn to develop/strengthen my spiritual boundaries, and continue to be aware that the situation is not always about me.

I'm so incredibly pleased that I attended the panel, as there is quite a lot that I am starting to think about. Don't worry, I'm not going to be selfish - I'm going to share later for sure ;) However, part of the responsibility of being a student in gaining access to so much great information is being trusted to learn it. Although I'm growing personally, I need to catch up on my school work so I have the textbook knowledge to help me do my job correctly and effectively! I am behind, but the thoughts and ideas revealed to me in the panel helped me to realize that this experience is a lesson within itself, and I can do it! So, I'm going to use my remaining time in a wise manner, and get back to studying!

To those of you out there studying for finals and completing those last remaining assignments, all the best to you! Truck on through, you'll feel awesome once you're done!

Source: http://files-cdn.formspring.me/photos/20120625/n4fe8c361af565.jpg

I Want to Understand ME

So I just completed week 11 of my first semester of my first year of becoming a Naturopathic Doctor, and I'm in the midst of deciding whether or not I'd like to change the pace I'm going at.

I made it my aim to complete to program in 4 years because I'm so excited for all of the opportunities that will await me after I finish, and I just want to be there. However, a constant theme that keeps arising is that all of life is a journey, and to gain the most out of it, we need to treasure every moment, experience, and what they teach us.

I think another reason I've been pushing myself to complete this program in 4 years is because I finished university in 5 years instead of 4, and I would compare myself to others who finished in 4 years or even 3 and think that they were smarter and more competent because of that. Yet, I've also noticed that I forget to remind myself that I took 2 years to adjust to workload, environment, and expectations - being a first generation student. In addition, I was so used to working part-time in high school and used to saving money for my education that I worked throughout university as well - that time was taken away from studying. My work opportunities led me to leadership opportunities and vice versa - without all of those things happening within those 5 years, I think I'd be a very different person. So, those 5 years were incredibly valuable to me, and I wouldn't have wanted it to turn out any other way. 6 years would've definitely been pushing it, but 4 years would've been too short.

http://www.quotepictures.net/life-is-a-journey-not-so-much-to-a-destination-but-a-transformation/

Now back to my life now, and why I'm highly considering changing my pace to part-time (so, finish in 5 years instead of 4), rather than staying on the full-time track, and finishing in 4 years.

These 11 weeks of my life have flown by! The only constants I can remember are being in class most of the day, going to the gym on Tuesday nights for Step or Combat, and Pump on Wednesday nights. Every other evening is different whether it's what I'm working on or need to plan to work on. It's very go-go-go! I enjoy that pace because it feels like I'm working towards something, as opposed to the summer where work became quite consistent. However, I miss working, and I'm sad about the opportunities I have to miss out on because this is my first priority. Yet, those outside opportunities are what excited me about taking this path.

I was speaking with a third year student last week who I had met at a supplement dinner, and she was telling me why she doesn't regret going part-time: time to attend workshops, you actually enjoy class because you don't experience as much information overload along with more time to process everything, you have time to work/volunteer which keeps you motivated. She was speaking to me! Then, I compare what she said with what I'm hearing from other 3rd year students who mention that there are endless assignments, it's so stressful, you don't have time for anything else, and there's a sense of desperation to finally get out of the quicksand and begin 4th year. They'll all make it through, but I don't like the thought that they're disliking it more than enjoying it.

 

http://www.improve-the-self.com/self_understanding.html

Although my mind seems to have been made up, I'm going to complete this semester, and possibly my winter term on full-time track before I make my final decision. You see, once I choose to take the part-time path, the program is set up in such a way that I won't be able to go back to the full-time track - so I want to be sure.

The reasons I want to go part-time are because:

• I want to put more time towards this blog (it feels awesome to be writing again!)
• I want to get my vlog up-and-running and learn more about making videos (I know virtually NOTHING!)
• I miss sleeping, especially now that I'm working hard to have a regular routine
• I want to invest more than I'm currently able to in my closest relationships. Although my loved ones are understanding, I want to be present in their lives, and I need them too
• I want to start a club on campus (for now the topic is a secret *wink*)
• I miss working: not for the money as I understand that I will be in debt regardless, but it gives me motivation and a context for why I'm spending all of those hours in class
• but most of all....I want to understand myself

As in Naturopathic Medicine we search for the root cause of illness in order to facilitate the healing process of the patient (through the healing power of Nature - the Vis Medicatrix Naturae), I realize that I have my own emotional problems which are stagnating my ability to heal, and they manifest as migraines, insomnia, and social anxiety. One of my priorities is to work through my personal problems which will allow me to heal myself, and also be more understanding of, and able to connect with my patients. Thereby, it is more important to me to invest in both my personal and academic progress, rather than put all of my energy towards progressing academically and losing some of my inner peace.

My Vaginal Canal is What!?

I bet you're wondering!

Last week I had my second shift as a gynecological model, and as my reproductive organs were being used to bring anatomy to life, the supervisor had mentioned that I have a "long vaginal canal." The students on shift had been mentioning that they could only reach the tip of my cervix, and the prongs of the small speculum were experiencing the same defeat.

At first when I heard this, I thought - oh no, pregnancy and labour are going to be TOUGH when I plan to experience them! But really, what does having a long vaginal canal mean (other than that)? Does this phenomenon of my body confer any benefits?

Right now, I haven't done any research because I want to think about what the positive and negative consequences may be, before I consolidate with what medical knowledge is going to tell me. However, I found it to be very intriguing, and wanted to share!

Don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour tonight so we can get that extra hour of sleep!

Oh, So You're a Model Now?

     Wow, have you ever had one of those nights where you just can't sleep? I'm having one of those nights tonight, and it's been happening more often as I approach my first set of midterms in this program. I suppose it's the anticipation of not knowing exactly what to expect, mixed with the intent to want to do well and slight nervousness of still being behind. One thing I know for certain is that I'm not alone, so I find comfort in that :)

     Anyhow, since I won't become completely exhausted until about 4am (according to my track record), I've decided to write something as I've been wanting to for awhile!

Today's topic: modelling my lady parts!

Source:  http://www.theluxuryspot.com/etsy-spotting-crocheted-female-reproductive-system-yes-really/

     You know, I've always wanted to be a model. The confidence I associate with models is one of pure liberation and sense of self-awesomeness. However, upon realizing I don't have the body structure of interest and too many "natural" flaws to become a runway or poster model, I decided I'd rather be a role model. I must say, for those who have mentioned they look up to me, it's extremely rewarding. Yet, I'm still learning all the time!

     I first heard about being a gynecological model when I religiously read Erica Robinson's blog the year before I got accepted to CCNM (I'm still trying to find the exact post, when I do, I'll send the link). I actually started wondering if I could ever go through with it if I had the same opportunity.

     Low and behold, during the second week of classes several announcements were made around the school about being a gyne model. Open-mindedly I signed up, attended the interview, and got great news the following week - they wanted me to model for them!

     As a model, I'm a practical tool for training third-years to learn how to perform a PAP test on an actual patient. It's kind of funny to me because my parents still don't think I've ever had a single PAP test. And here I'm going to be going through the motions of the exam a few times every month.

     I was urged to go for it because I get very nervous when I know I have to get my PAP tests. Just the thought of the speculum going into a place I can't see makes my toes curl with nervousness. Yet, that nervousness can be a great experience for the students who will be performing the exam on me because they'll become better equipped with managing patients who get stressed about the procedure. It'll also help me because through continuous exposure to the exam, my comfort level will go up, and I'll gain a new for appreciation for the exam aside from its obvious importance as a screening tool.

     Lastly, as part of the training, I got to perform the procedure on one of my peers! I got to see a cervix for the first time ever - it was awesome! I also got to palpate my peer's uterus and ovaries! I never thought that I'd gain such a valuable experience so early on in my ND education, but it really opened my eyes to what's coming my way in the next few years!

   Well, have a merry night as I attempt, once again to get some sleep :)

If You Fail to Plan, You Plan to Fail

     If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. That was a quote one of my mentors constantly repeated to me and her voice in my head has never left me!

     Luckily my school began to instill organizational habits within me back when I was in grade 5 by giving all students agendas. In fact, up until grade 7, we were required to get our agendas signed by our parents to acknowledge to our teachers that our parents were aware of our homework, and to our teachers that we were bringing it home. Though it was tedious and annoying for my mom, it no doubt imprinted a great habit with me.

Source:  http://jdorganizer.blogspot.ca/2008/03/file-folders-declare-that-you-are.html
This is a great habit to get into. If you're a student, whenever you receive a course syllabus/outline - put those dates and weights in right away! 

     One of the feelings I'm trying to avoid as much as possible, while still enjoying myself and working hard, is that of too much stress. Apparently in professional school, that's equated with wanting to have your cake and eat it too. But still, I'll only have this entire experience one time!

    Something I've realized is that one of my stress triggers is that of not knowing what's going on. I worry that I'll forget to submit something on its due date, or that there will be so many things going on at once that I won't have enough time to get everything done, leading to me losing sleep, which will lead me to my fear of setting myself up for those dreaded migraines.

     So, doesn't it make sense to plan ahead? Rather than becoming distracted in class, or driven into insomnia wasting time thinking about when exams are, when assignments are due, and how their timings factor in with all of your other classes and other things going on in your life, it makes more sense to have it in an organized form, laid out, containing dates, weightages, and any caveats that may be important to remember. So, I took 10 minutes and laid out what I'm expected to complete during the year.

     One of my classmates also stepped it up a notch to make it even more intuitive by creating a chart which organized assignment and exam dates from earliest to latest, as opposed to organizing it primarily based on the classes.

     The point I want to emphasize here is that by taking a moment to organize yourself, you have everything integrated for you. This will allow you to create a buffer for yourself if you know that you have busy times of the year, or days when you just won't be productive - hopefully this will be the extra motivation to get you working when you'd rather procrastinate.

New Beginning

Just as each new day yields new opportunity, taking a chance and new direction  will  do the same
Source:  http://chakrabodyyoga.blogspot.ca/2012/06/from-blah-to-brilliant-3-great-reasons.html

     I feel quite lucky because a few weeks ago, I've started my journey of the program I've wanted to begin since 2008. Can you guess what it is? Ok...I'll give you a few hints:

1. Its teachings are a vital component of the health care field

2. The three major areas of study are biomedical sciences, clinical sciences, and naturopathic therapeutics (huge clue there!)

3. Although this field is beginning to bloom, it is commonly practiced around the world - we're just starting to catch up.

4. We believe in the healing power of nature, and aim to cure our entire patient as opposed to only focusing on symptomatic treatment

     Okay, if you haven't guessed it yet, I'll give you the answer at the end :P

 So far I'm trying to saturate myself in the knowledge I'm gaining, especially after a summer of just working.

      My first experience was attending a summit with my class of ~85 students, where we got to bond and learn about what's upcoming, and were fortunate to hear some amazing speeches from several alumni of the program. Upon returning, the next week was a full week of class and the best word to describe that would have to have been - overwhelming! I currently have 11 courses this term (Anatomy, Asian Medicine, Biochemistry, Botanical Medicine, Clinic, Clinical Physiology, Ethics and Jurisprudence, Health Psychology, Homeopathy, Naturopathic History, Philosophy, and Principles, and Principles in Research), and am in class about 30 hours per week. Yet, in years prior, it was even more intense, so the lecture component is always a work in progress. In fact, over the next four years, I can expect to spend more than 3 000 hours in the classroom, and gain more than 1 200 hours of clinical experience. I should be very competent after that!

     Just as I had an urge to begin this blog, I've been getting an urge to start a YouTube channel (fanoflifend). I'm planning to vlog about more personal matters such as documenting some self-experimentations, documenting my hair progress, and personal experiences I encounter through my involvement in this program. I'm not sure what it will evolve into, but you never know what direction projects will take you in unless you open yourself to starting them. However, I still enjoy writing so I'm still planning to blog a few times each month!

     Alright, so the answer to the question above is...duh duh duh-duh (drum roll): I've started the Naturopathic Medicine program at the Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine. I'm very excited, and I hope to keep the excitement alive amongst the challenge I'm about to embark upon (which will hopefully make me a stronger person and ND in the near future).

If you gather interest in this program, a great first resource to check out would be my school's website, and then check out the Association of Accredited Naturopathic Medical Colleges.

Loc'd Up: 2



First off, happy birthday to my brother, he's  19 today!! Seems I have put my hair updates towards the wayside. On May 9th, 2012, I went to a loctitian to get my starter locs installed. My appointment basically consisted of the loctitian shampooing and conditioning my hair, then parting my hair into small sections, which were formed into comb-coils. The locitian even took some time to explain to me that I have to be positive during the experience, as locs do not form overnight - they are a process, and it can take between 6 months to 1 year for my kinky curl pattern to completely loc up.

Source: http://locdlife.wordpress.com
/2011/05/22/moisturize-moisturize-moisturize/

The reasons I chose to loc my hair were explained in this post, and those reasons are still the sources of my motivation. I must admit though that I've been getting impatient with the process because my hair is still transforming, and it's getting quite unruly. I'm not able to style it...the middle looks like a hot mess, and the people in my work environment might not understand what's going on.

I enjoyed the experience of being in the salon and having my scalp massaged and not having to do anything. However, I have chosen to self-maintain my hair. I was lucky because my friend from work (who has awesome locs) drove me to her salon - which would have been a 2 1/2 hour bus ride for me. But, since I'm saving for school, I can't be spending 5 hours a day (plus time in the salon) to get my hair done, nor am I going to take advantage of my friend's kindness. To add, follow up appointments (to get my hair washed and retwisted) are $70 minimum - in that case, I'll do it myself.

Once I made the decision that I'm going to self-maintain, Google and YouTube were fantastic to me because I have been able to find great resources! The first purchase I made was the book The Knotty Truth: Creating Beautiful Locks on a Dime, as numerous dreadlock blogs were giving positive reviews on it, and it's used as a manual for loctitians in training. I love this book because M. Michele George, an acclaimed natural hair consultant, provides me with knowledge as her book explains the biological and physiological state of hair, how to take care of it, ways to install locks and maintain them, and the approximate length of time an what to expect as the lock installation progresses towards mature locs.

There are also 3 people I am devoted to following on YouTube: BronzeGoddess01 (BG), PrettiBoiShai (PBS), and Chescalocs/Chescaleigh. I came across BG because she made a two-part comprehensive loc video where she explains everything she does to take care of her locs. I was drawn to her because she started her locs herself via two-strand twists around 6 years ago, and they are awesome! She is so cute and gorgeous, and her hair suits her perfectly! As for PBS, I was looking for a video to simply explain how to retwist starter locs. Her video was short and sweet, and I found her to be captivating as she cut her locs due to life experiences, and started her second loc journey this year (so I get to see it play out in action!). As for Chescalocs, I discovered her channel not originally because of her hair, but because of her hilarious Shit White Girls Say ...to Black Girls video on her main channel, Chescaleigh. I was instantly hooked!

Source: http://www.perfectlocks.com/blog/tips-for-starting-locs/

Right now I believe in my heart that I plan to be a dreadhead for life in the sense that I want to grow my hair as long as I can and never cut it (or at least to my bum, then cut it to my waist). However, locs are known for holding energy, which includes negative energy (PBS actually talks about it more as she explains why she cut hers off). Looking back, even though it will only have been 12 weeks this Wednesday that I have been allowing my hair to loc, there are some things I would've done differently. I wish I had done my research before rather than after my installatation, because I would've known what size I'd like my parts to have been, and I would've been completely independent by starting them myself. I likely would have chosen to start them as two strand twists (even though comb coils apparently loc faster), because I used two strand twists as a protective style for the past 2 years - I just didn't know that letting them mat together would lead to locs. I also would've made the parts a bit larger because I don't want my root beds to feel strained as my hair grows (yet, I have thin hair, so the loctitan may've done that to make my hair look fuller). To compensate, I've been combining/marrying a lot of my sections together.

I look forward to how things turn out at 6 months, and my 1 year mark. I'm also looking forward to the huge growth spurt I can expect after the 3 year mark, as most of the energy that would've gone towards converting my hair into mature locs will be contributed my growth. Pregnancy is also something to look forward to, as the hormone frenzy and prenatal vitamins will likely have a positive impact as well!

*Please note: dreads/dreadlocks/locs are referring to the same thing, however, I don't like to refer to my hair as "dreads" so often because of the wrong connotation of them being "dreadful."

Loc'd Up

As it has been awhile, I've had time to just live life and not think too much about what I'm going to write next.

The past month has been a great one, and I've thought a lot about certain things.

It was recently my cousin's birthday, and I hadn't seen her since February, so it was good to see her again. We went to a place we'd never eaten before at Kensington Market, and I really enjoyed her company. She can be really hilarious! Best of all, the feelings that I had in a recent post had subsided because I had time to myself and am actually planning to do something new.

I'm planning to get locs! The idea was first placed in my head 2 years ago by heartbreaker, yet I never took him seriously. I thought I'd look so ugly with them. But then one of my colleagues kept encouraging me to get them, and now I'm sold! It's in line with my 3 biggest hair goals:

1. STAY natural FOREVER!

2. grow MY hair, so that I don't turn to extensions

3. low maintenance - I don't have time to be styling up my hair

I've been natural for just over 4 years, and my hair when straightened lands right at my shoulders. I thought it was incredible, but people who aren't black are astounded but how ssslllloooooooowwww that growth process was...for them, they can grow what I grew in 8 months or less!

But for me, it's about continuing on my journey of self-acceptance. I just want to be me. I want to look like myself, and that means accept my hair as is - I don't want to chase the Eurocentric beauty ideals because I will never look or be European. Everyone's beautiful and attractive, so am I.

I realize that consequences will follow my decision such as job prospects and having peoples ignorant preconceived notions pushed on me: some people will assume I smoke weed all day, don't wash my hair, along with everything else they assume. But as of now, I don't care. I am me, I just want to keep learning about myself and just be happy with my life decisions, and feel that I am making a positive impact in this world.

I also feel like this is perfect timing. I'll be starting my studies in naturopathic medicine this September, and making this decision prior may not have been the best choice. But now, I feel that I am finding my place of being, and I want to be real to my patients and real within myself.

Now all I need to do is find a loctitian and get "loc'd"!

Honeyfig and Hair measurements - February 24, 2012

Today out of desperation I went to North York to a store that specializes in handling natural hair - Honeyfig.The post I wrote a few days ago was an indication to me that I am upset with what I view as half-assed progress, and I want to see better results for the practices I have converted to.

My hair is important to me, it's part of my identity and my history. I'm aiming to reach the stage of my hair journey where  I know what products work with my hair, and where I don't feel the need to watch YouTube and keep purchasing books to truly know what I'm doing. Ultimately, I'll know that I've reached a new level of comfort when I don't have any desire to wear extensions (for beauty and professional purposes).

Going to Honeyfig reinforced a lot of the information that I learned from YouTube natural hair gurus, and books that I purchased to educate myself. Encouragingly enough, I've been doing several things right such as wearing protective styles to protect my ends (ie. twists all the time), avoid heat (ie. flat ironing, blow-drying), etc. The missing ingredients in my routine seemed to be using a leave-in-conditioner everyday, and using a more effective deep conditioner and sealent.

My hair is in great condition! It's actually about 13cm long (see exact measurements below). That's about 3.25cm of growth and retention each year (although I did several trims, and I truly and seriously started educating myself more 1 year ago)

Left side: front - 14cm; middle - 14.5cm; back - 12cm


Middle: front - 13cm; middle - 13.5cm; back - 13.5cm


Right side: front -12.5cm; middle -13.8cm; back - 13cm


 But there were some things I wouldn't have known unless I met with Michelle today. I learned 3 main things:

1. Apparently, my hair doesn't respond well to coconut oil! Coconut oil is efficient at penetrating the hair shaft to deliver oils to the cortex of the hair, but my hair wasn't responding well to it because it was acting more like a protein than a sealant. I made a coconut oil/shea butter mix months ago that I'd use as a sealant everyday, yet my hair always felt rough when it dried. However, my hair responded very well to the shea butter alone - it softened my hair and the curls relaxed into springy coils, as opposed to dry, hard, uptight curls when forced to combat the coconut oil.

2. Leave-in-conditioners are crucial for moisturizing the hair, in addition to water. I had gotten confused because I would use water as the main moisturizing agent, then use the coconut oil/shea butter mixture to seal in the water. I chose to skip the leave-in-conditioners because at the beauty supply stores nearby, the majority of the ingredients in their products were just fillers which would do more damage than good to hair. I didn't realize how crucial the leave-in-conditioner was; my hair has NEVER felt this soft for the 4 years that I have been natural! This could also be due in conjuction with #3...

3. The texture of my hair is 4b/4c, meaning that it is as tightly coiled (kinky) as hair can get, so it's more difficult for the scalp to distribute its oil to my hair. This leads to intensely dry hair, which is most prone to breakage. For this reason, I invested in a hair steamer in December (an ebay knock-off of the huetiful hair steamer - I can't afford to spend $25 for international shipping!). The steamer is used for deep conditioning treatments where I coat my hair in a mixture of intensely moisturizing ingredients, and sit under the steamer for 20 minutes while the heat opens up my hair follicles beneath my scalp, so they can receive and be stimulated by the ingredients. The mixture also moisturizes the hair strands as well.

My issue was that although I was doing deep conditioning treatments prior (by using a plastic cap and warm towel to generate heat), the ingredients weren't the best. I was using mayonnaise, which was very protein based. I also learned today that I have fine hair, meaning that heavy ingredients, and too much protein, can also lead to breakage. But once again, the reason I chose to not buy store brand deep conditioners was because the main ingredients were useless. They were gunk that would not be absorbed by my hair!

So, today I also purchased a deep conditioner, and when I was finished my routine, I closed the hair shaft by rinsing with cold water (something I overlooked before because I thought it wouldn't make such a big deal). My hair has NEVER felt this soft, I finally feel that I am beginning to understand what my hair needs, and how it's supposed to feel. As the year progresses, I'm very excited to see if the rate of growth and length retained amounts to higher than in previous years....do the right things, learn from your mistakes and be patient and faithful!

Reserved Playlist - Monday, January 30th, 2012

Lions, Tigers, Bears
Jazmine Sullivan
Fearless


So Into You
Tamia
More

Smile
Tamia
More

Under the Bridge
All Saints
All Saints

You Don't Miss Your Water
Craig David
Slicker Than Your Average

Picture Perfect
Andreena Mill
All Eyez On Me

You're My #1

     I can't sleep :( It's weird that I was able to fall asleep effortlessly for the past week, but I slept in on Saturday and now I'm wide-awake. It's 3:50am. Thing is, this isn't new for me, I've habitually stayed up late since I was in the age of single-digits.

     Part of why I can't sleep is because I feel like I have unfinished business. And today you'll get to hear the story of "#1 Brazilian".

     Our history dates back to September 2007 - Frosh! I was waiting for my bus to commute home on the first night of Frosh since my friend who was my ride decided she'd rather stay at the rez of some new friends she made. #1 Brazilian was at the bus stop as well. I don't remember how we started talking, but it was easy and fun because of the openess Frosh creates, and novelty of the university experience we anticipated days ahead.

     We rode the bus home together, and I figured that would be the first and last time I'd see this friend of mine; I thought nothing of it.

     During the first week we had a philosophy class together, took the bus at the same time 3 mornings a week, AND, randomly rented lockers right beside each other. As you can probably guess, with time and increased positive interactions, #1 Brazilian grew on me in a big way - there wasn't anything I didn't admire about him. I remember we'd rub each other's hands to keep each other warm as we'd wait for the bus; our knees would touch in philosophy class (and he would always save a spot for me); laughing at the silliest things, I always had a good time with him.

     The problem with me was that although I was in university, my mind was still in high school mode where I wanted everything to move quickly. I thought that if chemistry was present, one person should obviously ask the other person out, you date for 4 years, then you get married, have kids, have a joyful career and happily ever after. Although I didn't tell him what was my philosophy at the time, I likely came on too strong through my actions.

     Second semester we didn't have any classes together, and I hardly saw him while waiting for the bus - this forced me to cool down (even though I imagined a whole bunch of extravagant scenarios over the break where he'd ask me to be his girlfriend). #1 Brazilian found his niche, and group of friends who shared that niche.  We didn't really even talk that much.

     To be honest, I was slightly resentful because I really thought we had a connection, I thought he could feel it. I was incredibly attracted to him in more ways than one.  I didn't see him at all for 2 yrs, until last week, for a brief moment. Then all of the feelings came back.

     Last night I had a very intense dream, the details of which I cannot disclose ;) I woke up wishing that dream was real life. And now I can't stop thinking about him, the dream, and the good memories of first year.

     The knowledge that I'm graduating after this semester is liberating, but also carries some pressure. I'll be meeting new people, learning new things, and encountering new experiences. Which empowers me to decide what I want to leave as the last impression on my current relationships - of particular relevance, the one with #1 Brazilian.

     I've decided that I'm going to tell him that I had a crush on him. Naw, that sounds too high school. I think instead I'll say I had a strong attraction to him since first year, and over time it has intensified and deepened? I was trying to be sensual...that's never been my strong suit though! Anyways, I'll work on my script.

     Why is doing this so important to me? Because who knows, maybe he feels the same way. If not, I'm probably not going to bump into him as often afterwards, so I'll only feel embarrassed for that moment.

Reserved

 "Reserved" is the title of my online radio show that I'm co-hosting with my friend Brandon this semester. This is going to be my third year of hosting a radio show after a 1 year hiatus - it sure feels like it's been awhile!

Our show is a talk show where we also play some tunes, but we're still finding our groove regarding the direction we want to take it in. Since health is a key interest of mine, I usually end up sneaking at least one topic, and Brandon does the same with relevant politics.

The show airs on Mondays from 4pm to 5pm online, but I'm also planning to upload the podcasts onto a separate website once I get a hold of the episodes. Depending on where we take it this term, we might choose to continue forward with the show after we graduate, even if the concepts change. But, we shall see!

Reserved Playlist - Monday, January 23rd, 2012

Don't Lie
Black Eyed Peas
Monkey Business

Gone Going
Black Eyed Peas
Monkey Business

Energy 
Keri Hilson
In a Perfect World


Go on Girl
Ne-Yo
Because of You

Build You Up
Nelly Furtado
Folklore

Try 
Nelly Furtado
Folklore

Better in Time
Leona Lewis
Spirit

Green Dot Campaign

*click the title for more info*

I feel very fortunate because it's the first week of the new year, and I've attended a workshop that is empowering, and educational.

The Green Dot campaign is an initiative to reduce power-based personal violence which come in the forms of sexual violence, partner violence, and stalking violence. The workshop focuses on the bystander's role when faced with a violent, or potentially violent situation. It was very interactive, addressed reasons that may hinder us from stepping in, and we watched real-life situations of humanity not helping each other. And of course, we learned how can we take action, whether it be proactive (ie. becoming trained in a workshop such as this), or reactive (ie. directly, distractedly, or by delegating).

I learned a lot about myself and the reasons that I tend to not get involved, whether it be because I feel an interaction that doesn't directly involve me is not any of my business, or because I hesitate due to distrust of how my good intentions may be abused, or end up hurting me. I wish that this training had been offered during my training to become a Residence Advisor, because I would've felt more confident in my decisions to intervene. But that's life, you encounter experiences, you reflect upon them, and you adjust for the better.

After completing the 6 hour training, I feel capable, just like when I finish my annual CPR recerts. All in all, I want to be able to go anywhere and feel that I can handle any situation that I come across, and that if I see an inappropriate situation, I can help.

A clip that stands out to me took place at a subway station. A man began to seizure, and fell onto the tracks just as the train was approaching. Another man, with 2 young children, jumped between the tracks, and held the seizuring man, and himself, within the space that is between the tracks and waited for the train the pass over (with 0.5 inches to spare!). I thought that was absolutely incredible! I should add that this hero was a navy seal and was trained in how to protect, and to be reactive in an emergency.

For some people, the inclination to protect, take action, be a leader - these are ingrained. Which is why I am especially encouraged to attend workshops such as this. There are traits within myself that I would like to strengthen and nurture, and participating and really taking in this experience is a step in the right direction of many actions required to help me become more like what I would like to see myself as.

I would strongly recommend attending a training session to anyone who aims to become more educated about humanity matters (especially regarding violence), along with anyone who is interested in self-empowerment.

My 2012: Hair Goals

February 29th, 2008, I went to a local barber to get my own "big chop". In the black community, for at least most women, our hair encapsulates multiple meanings, and it is no different for me.

When I was younger, I had no knowledge of how to take care of my own hair, and my mother and grandmother would give me bi-monthly perms - chemical straighteners. Then in high school I was tired of the limitations I had. For example, I was told I couldn't go swimming because the chlorine would make my hair fall off. I was also told I couldn't leave my hair wet because it would break off. I just listened because I believed my elders knew better than me, I mean, how can I compete with life experience?

So, instead, in grade 12 I texturized my hair because I was told by a hairdresser that it is a lighter, more natural, and healthier hair straightener. After seeing how bad my hair looked, I just wore hair extensions.

University has been a massive learning experience for me because it's encouraged me to be critical of everything I am told, and has emphasized the value of research. I started watching YouTube so I gained knowledge regarding how to take care of my natural hair - then I cut off the chemically treated ends to start fresh.

I like to think that I've started a revolution at my campus (ha ha) because I noticed many more natural females after me. Maybe it was timing, maybe it was because I became more aware, or maybe I was influential...I'll believe the latter!

Anyways, this past summer I took my first semester off for a much needed break, and realized...I was doing it all wrong, and I actually didn't know much. I started investing in a hair care library, and am devoted to several hair care gurus on youtube...I have learned so much! I was planning to start all over again with the big chop, but I've decided not to.

I'd like to devote part of this blog towards documenting my hair growth! On December 25th, I spent 12 hours installing braid extensions, which will protect my hair for the next 6-8 weeks. After I take them out, I plan to measure the length of my hair, report on its condition (ie. split ends), and mention any hair products or treatments of interest. I aim to do this every month. February 29th this year will make 4 years that I have been natural, and my hair would be longer and healthier if I had known what I was doing 4 years ago - if only I knew then what I know now. Overall, my goal is for my hair length to be at the middle of my back by February 29th, 2016.

P.S. The lady in the YouTube clip is not me, but I wanted to show an example of the experience of making such a dramatic, symbolic change. I must say, she is absolutely gorgeous :)

My 2012: Academic Goals

Well, well, well. It is my final semester, and I just need to complete 3 courses, then I'll be able to obtain my degree! I really messed up my first 2 years, but onwards I've learned so many things, and it truly could have turned out much worse.

Every semester I aim for a 4.0 GPA, and A's in every class, but then the semester progresses, and my dedication in comparison to other things is tested. So this time, I just hope to stick to a consistent study schedule so that I'm not regretfully cramming days before my exams, promising myself that the next time around I will not torture myself this way again.

Our academic department recommends studying 1.5 to 3 hours for every hour of class that one has. Of course the requirements for every individual varies based on course load, other commitments, along with the time of the term. One of the things I've learned about myself is, after 2 hours, I can't concentrate anymore. So, I have decided that every day, I will study for one 3-hour session, and one 2-hour session - with a 10 minute break after 50 minutes - spread out during the day, allowing me to work, volunteer, and socialize in between. On the weekends, I will do one 2-hour block so that I'm still in somewhat of a routine, but also get to enjoy my weekend and focus on other tasks.

What it comes down to is, everyone is different - we all have our different peak efficient times of the day (evenings for me, I LOVE staying up late!), and we all need to utilize different methods and respect the amount of time it takes to learn material, while also considering other courses and other responsibilities. Every situation is different. So, rather than compare myself to my amazing high school days, and to people who seem to be effortlessly brilliant, I will instead use my time in my own way.

Finally, a goal of mine this year is to get accepted to a naturopathic medical school. There are 2 in Canada, and 5 in the States. I put all of my eggs in one basket because I don't want to leave Toronto, it's my home. I submitted my application a few weeks ago and will continue to hope for the best, in addition to trying my best. That means whipping myself into shape, as something I struggle with at times is procrastination and bipolar willpower and self-control.