I Want to Understand ME

So I just completed week 11 of my first semester of my first year of becoming a Naturopathic Doctor, and I'm in the midst of deciding whether or not I'd like to change the pace I'm going at.

I made it my aim to complete to program in 4 years because I'm so excited for all of the opportunities that will await me after I finish, and I just want to be there. However, a constant theme that keeps arising is that all of life is a journey, and to gain the most out of it, we need to treasure every moment, experience, and what they teach us.

I think another reason I've been pushing myself to complete this program in 4 years is because I finished university in 5 years instead of 4, and I would compare myself to others who finished in 4 years or even 3 and think that they were smarter and more competent because of that. Yet, I've also noticed that I forget to remind myself that I took 2 years to adjust to workload, environment, and expectations - being a first generation student. In addition, I was so used to working part-time in high school and used to saving money for my education that I worked throughout university as well - that time was taken away from studying. My work opportunities led me to leadership opportunities and vice versa - without all of those things happening within those 5 years, I think I'd be a very different person. So, those 5 years were incredibly valuable to me, and I wouldn't have wanted it to turn out any other way. 6 years would've definitely been pushing it, but 4 years would've been too short.

http://www.quotepictures.net/life-is-a-journey-not-so-much-to-a-destination-but-a-transformation/

Now back to my life now, and why I'm highly considering changing my pace to part-time (so, finish in 5 years instead of 4), rather than staying on the full-time track, and finishing in 4 years.

These 11 weeks of my life have flown by! The only constants I can remember are being in class most of the day, going to the gym on Tuesday nights for Step or Combat, and Pump on Wednesday nights. Every other evening is different whether it's what I'm working on or need to plan to work on. It's very go-go-go! I enjoy that pace because it feels like I'm working towards something, as opposed to the summer where work became quite consistent. However, I miss working, and I'm sad about the opportunities I have to miss out on because this is my first priority. Yet, those outside opportunities are what excited me about taking this path.

I was speaking with a third year student last week who I had met at a supplement dinner, and she was telling me why she doesn't regret going part-time: time to attend workshops, you actually enjoy class because you don't experience as much information overload along with more time to process everything, you have time to work/volunteer which keeps you motivated. She was speaking to me! Then, I compare what she said with what I'm hearing from other 3rd year students who mention that there are endless assignments, it's so stressful, you don't have time for anything else, and there's a sense of desperation to finally get out of the quicksand and begin 4th year. They'll all make it through, but I don't like the thought that they're disliking it more than enjoying it.

 

http://www.improve-the-self.com/self_understanding.html

Although my mind seems to have been made up, I'm going to complete this semester, and possibly my winter term on full-time track before I make my final decision. You see, once I choose to take the part-time path, the program is set up in such a way that I won't be able to go back to the full-time track - so I want to be sure.

The reasons I want to go part-time are because:

• I want to put more time towards this blog (it feels awesome to be writing again!)
• I want to get my vlog up-and-running and learn more about making videos (I know virtually NOTHING!)
• I miss sleeping, especially now that I'm working hard to have a regular routine
• I want to invest more than I'm currently able to in my closest relationships. Although my loved ones are understanding, I want to be present in their lives, and I need them too
• I want to start a club on campus (for now the topic is a secret *wink*)
• I miss working: not for the money as I understand that I will be in debt regardless, but it gives me motivation and a context for why I'm spending all of those hours in class
• but most of all....I want to understand myself

As in Naturopathic Medicine we search for the root cause of illness in order to facilitate the healing process of the patient (through the healing power of Nature - the Vis Medicatrix Naturae), I realize that I have my own emotional problems which are stagnating my ability to heal, and they manifest as migraines, insomnia, and social anxiety. One of my priorities is to work through my personal problems which will allow me to heal myself, and also be more understanding of, and able to connect with my patients. Thereby, it is more important to me to invest in both my personal and academic progress, rather than put all of my energy towards progressing academically and losing some of my inner peace.

My Vaginal Canal is What!?

I bet you're wondering!

Last week I had my second shift as a gynecological model, and as my reproductive organs were being used to bring anatomy to life, the supervisor had mentioned that I have a "long vaginal canal." The students on shift had been mentioning that they could only reach the tip of my cervix, and the prongs of the small speculum were experiencing the same defeat.

At first when I heard this, I thought - oh no, pregnancy and labour are going to be TOUGH when I plan to experience them! But really, what does having a long vaginal canal mean (other than that)? Does this phenomenon of my body confer any benefits?

Right now, I haven't done any research because I want to think about what the positive and negative consequences may be, before I consolidate with what medical knowledge is going to tell me. However, I found it to be very intriguing, and wanted to share!

Don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour tonight so we can get that extra hour of sleep!

Oh, So You're a Model Now?

     Wow, have you ever had one of those nights where you just can't sleep? I'm having one of those nights tonight, and it's been happening more often as I approach my first set of midterms in this program. I suppose it's the anticipation of not knowing exactly what to expect, mixed with the intent to want to do well and slight nervousness of still being behind. One thing I know for certain is that I'm not alone, so I find comfort in that :)

     Anyhow, since I won't become completely exhausted until about 4am (according to my track record), I've decided to write something as I've been wanting to for awhile!

Today's topic: modelling my lady parts!

Source:  http://www.theluxuryspot.com/etsy-spotting-crocheted-female-reproductive-system-yes-really/

     You know, I've always wanted to be a model. The confidence I associate with models is one of pure liberation and sense of self-awesomeness. However, upon realizing I don't have the body structure of interest and too many "natural" flaws to become a runway or poster model, I decided I'd rather be a role model. I must say, for those who have mentioned they look up to me, it's extremely rewarding. Yet, I'm still learning all the time!

     I first heard about being a gynecological model when I religiously read Erica Robinson's blog the year before I got accepted to CCNM (I'm still trying to find the exact post, when I do, I'll send the link). I actually started wondering if I could ever go through with it if I had the same opportunity.

     Low and behold, during the second week of classes several announcements were made around the school about being a gyne model. Open-mindedly I signed up, attended the interview, and got great news the following week - they wanted me to model for them!

     As a model, I'm a practical tool for training third-years to learn how to perform a PAP test on an actual patient. It's kind of funny to me because my parents still don't think I've ever had a single PAP test. And here I'm going to be going through the motions of the exam a few times every month.

     I was urged to go for it because I get very nervous when I know I have to get my PAP tests. Just the thought of the speculum going into a place I can't see makes my toes curl with nervousness. Yet, that nervousness can be a great experience for the students who will be performing the exam on me because they'll become better equipped with managing patients who get stressed about the procedure. It'll also help me because through continuous exposure to the exam, my comfort level will go up, and I'll gain a new for appreciation for the exam aside from its obvious importance as a screening tool.

     Lastly, as part of the training, I got to perform the procedure on one of my peers! I got to see a cervix for the first time ever - it was awesome! I also got to palpate my peer's uterus and ovaries! I never thought that I'd gain such a valuable experience so early on in my ND education, but it really opened my eyes to what's coming my way in the next few years!

   Well, have a merry night as I attempt, once again to get some sleep :)

If You Fail to Plan, You Plan to Fail

     If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. That was a quote one of my mentors constantly repeated to me and her voice in my head has never left me!

     Luckily my school began to instill organizational habits within me back when I was in grade 5 by giving all students agendas. In fact, up until grade 7, we were required to get our agendas signed by our parents to acknowledge to our teachers that our parents were aware of our homework, and to our teachers that we were bringing it home. Though it was tedious and annoying for my mom, it no doubt imprinted a great habit with me.

Source:  http://jdorganizer.blogspot.ca/2008/03/file-folders-declare-that-you-are.html
This is a great habit to get into. If you're a student, whenever you receive a course syllabus/outline - put those dates and weights in right away! 

     One of the feelings I'm trying to avoid as much as possible, while still enjoying myself and working hard, is that of too much stress. Apparently in professional school, that's equated with wanting to have your cake and eat it too. But still, I'll only have this entire experience one time!

    Something I've realized is that one of my stress triggers is that of not knowing what's going on. I worry that I'll forget to submit something on its due date, or that there will be so many things going on at once that I won't have enough time to get everything done, leading to me losing sleep, which will lead me to my fear of setting myself up for those dreaded migraines.

     So, doesn't it make sense to plan ahead? Rather than becoming distracted in class, or driven into insomnia wasting time thinking about when exams are, when assignments are due, and how their timings factor in with all of your other classes and other things going on in your life, it makes more sense to have it in an organized form, laid out, containing dates, weightages, and any caveats that may be important to remember. So, I took 10 minutes and laid out what I'm expected to complete during the year.

     One of my classmates also stepped it up a notch to make it even more intuitive by creating a chart which organized assignment and exam dates from earliest to latest, as opposed to organizing it primarily based on the classes.

     The point I want to emphasize here is that by taking a moment to organize yourself, you have everything integrated for you. This will allow you to create a buffer for yourself if you know that you have busy times of the year, or days when you just won't be productive - hopefully this will be the extra motivation to get you working when you'd rather procrastinate.

New Beginning

Just as each new day yields new opportunity, taking a chance and new direction  will  do the same
Source:  http://chakrabodyyoga.blogspot.ca/2012/06/from-blah-to-brilliant-3-great-reasons.html

     I feel quite lucky because a few weeks ago, I've started my journey of the program I've wanted to begin since 2008. Can you guess what it is? Ok...I'll give you a few hints:

1. Its teachings are a vital component of the health care field

2. The three major areas of study are biomedical sciences, clinical sciences, and naturopathic therapeutics (huge clue there!)

3. Although this field is beginning to bloom, it is commonly practiced around the world - we're just starting to catch up.

4. We believe in the healing power of nature, and aim to cure our entire patient as opposed to only focusing on symptomatic treatment

     Okay, if you haven't guessed it yet, I'll give you the answer at the end :P

 So far I'm trying to saturate myself in the knowledge I'm gaining, especially after a summer of just working.

      My first experience was attending a summit with my class of ~85 students, where we got to bond and learn about what's upcoming, and were fortunate to hear some amazing speeches from several alumni of the program. Upon returning, the next week was a full week of class and the best word to describe that would have to have been - overwhelming! I currently have 11 courses this term (Anatomy, Asian Medicine, Biochemistry, Botanical Medicine, Clinic, Clinical Physiology, Ethics and Jurisprudence, Health Psychology, Homeopathy, Naturopathic History, Philosophy, and Principles, and Principles in Research), and am in class about 30 hours per week. Yet, in years prior, it was even more intense, so the lecture component is always a work in progress. In fact, over the next four years, I can expect to spend more than 3 000 hours in the classroom, and gain more than 1 200 hours of clinical experience. I should be very competent after that!

     Just as I had an urge to begin this blog, I've been getting an urge to start a YouTube channel (fanoflifend). I'm planning to vlog about more personal matters such as documenting some self-experimentations, documenting my hair progress, and personal experiences I encounter through my involvement in this program. I'm not sure what it will evolve into, but you never know what direction projects will take you in unless you open yourself to starting them. However, I still enjoy writing so I'm still planning to blog a few times each month!

     Alright, so the answer to the question above is...duh duh duh-duh (drum roll): I've started the Naturopathic Medicine program at the Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine. I'm very excited, and I hope to keep the excitement alive amongst the challenge I'm about to embark upon (which will hopefully make me a stronger person and ND in the near future).

If you gather interest in this program, a great first resource to check out would be my school's website, and then check out the Association of Accredited Naturopathic Medical Colleges.

Loc'd Up: 2



First off, happy birthday to my brother, he's  19 today!! Seems I have put my hair updates towards the wayside. On May 9th, 2012, I went to a loctitian to get my starter locs installed. My appointment basically consisted of the loctitian shampooing and conditioning my hair, then parting my hair into small sections, which were formed into comb-coils. The locitian even took some time to explain to me that I have to be positive during the experience, as locs do not form overnight - they are a process, and it can take between 6 months to 1 year for my kinky curl pattern to completely loc up.

Source: http://locdlife.wordpress.com
/2011/05/22/moisturize-moisturize-moisturize/

The reasons I chose to loc my hair were explained in this post, and those reasons are still the sources of my motivation. I must admit though that I've been getting impatient with the process because my hair is still transforming, and it's getting quite unruly. I'm not able to style it...the middle looks like a hot mess, and the people in my work environment might not understand what's going on.

I enjoyed the experience of being in the salon and having my scalp massaged and not having to do anything. However, I have chosen to self-maintain my hair. I was lucky because my friend from work (who has awesome locs) drove me to her salon - which would have been a 2 1/2 hour bus ride for me. But, since I'm saving for school, I can't be spending 5 hours a day (plus time in the salon) to get my hair done, nor am I going to take advantage of my friend's kindness. To add, follow up appointments (to get my hair washed and retwisted) are $70 minimum - in that case, I'll do it myself.

Once I made the decision that I'm going to self-maintain, Google and YouTube were fantastic to me because I have been able to find great resources! The first purchase I made was the book The Knotty Truth: Creating Beautiful Locks on a Dime, as numerous dreadlock blogs were giving positive reviews on it, and it's used as a manual for loctitians in training. I love this book because M. Michele George, an acclaimed natural hair consultant, provides me with knowledge as her book explains the biological and physiological state of hair, how to take care of it, ways to install locks and maintain them, and the approximate length of time an what to expect as the lock installation progresses towards mature locs.

There are also 3 people I am devoted to following on YouTube: BronzeGoddess01 (BG), PrettiBoiShai (PBS), and Chescalocs/Chescaleigh. I came across BG because she made a two-part comprehensive loc video where she explains everything she does to take care of her locs. I was drawn to her because she started her locs herself via two-strand twists around 6 years ago, and they are awesome! She is so cute and gorgeous, and her hair suits her perfectly! As for PBS, I was looking for a video to simply explain how to retwist starter locs. Her video was short and sweet, and I found her to be captivating as she cut her locs due to life experiences, and started her second loc journey this year (so I get to see it play out in action!). As for Chescalocs, I discovered her channel not originally because of her hair, but because of her hilarious Shit White Girls Say ...to Black Girls video on her main channel, Chescaleigh. I was instantly hooked!

Source: http://www.perfectlocks.com/blog/tips-for-starting-locs/

Right now I believe in my heart that I plan to be a dreadhead for life in the sense that I want to grow my hair as long as I can and never cut it (or at least to my bum, then cut it to my waist). However, locs are known for holding energy, which includes negative energy (PBS actually talks about it more as she explains why she cut hers off). Looking back, even though it will only have been 12 weeks this Wednesday that I have been allowing my hair to loc, there are some things I would've done differently. I wish I had done my research before rather than after my installatation, because I would've known what size I'd like my parts to have been, and I would've been completely independent by starting them myself. I likely would have chosen to start them as two strand twists (even though comb coils apparently loc faster), because I used two strand twists as a protective style for the past 2 years - I just didn't know that letting them mat together would lead to locs. I also would've made the parts a bit larger because I don't want my root beds to feel strained as my hair grows (yet, I have thin hair, so the loctitan may've done that to make my hair look fuller). To compensate, I've been combining/marrying a lot of my sections together.

I look forward to how things turn out at 6 months, and my 1 year mark. I'm also looking forward to the huge growth spurt I can expect after the 3 year mark, as most of the energy that would've gone towards converting my hair into mature locs will be contributed my growth. Pregnancy is also something to look forward to, as the hormone frenzy and prenatal vitamins will likely have a positive impact as well!

*Please note: dreads/dreadlocks/locs are referring to the same thing, however, I don't like to refer to my hair as "dreads" so often because of the wrong connotation of them being "dreadful."

Loc'd Up

As it has been awhile, I've had time to just live life and not think too much about what I'm going to write next.

The past month has been a great one, and I've thought a lot about certain things.

It was recently my cousin's birthday, and I hadn't seen her since February, so it was good to see her again. We went to a place we'd never eaten before at Kensington Market, and I really enjoyed her company. She can be really hilarious! Best of all, the feelings that I had in a recent post had subsided because I had time to myself and am actually planning to do something new.

I'm planning to get locs! The idea was first placed in my head 2 years ago by heartbreaker, yet I never took him seriously. I thought I'd look so ugly with them. But then one of my colleagues kept encouraging me to get them, and now I'm sold! It's in line with my 3 biggest hair goals:

1. STAY natural FOREVER!

2. grow MY hair, so that I don't turn to extensions

3. low maintenance - I don't have time to be styling up my hair

I've been natural for just over 4 years, and my hair when straightened lands right at my shoulders. I thought it was incredible, but people who aren't black are astounded but how ssslllloooooooowwww that growth process was...for them, they can grow what I grew in 8 months or less!

But for me, it's about continuing on my journey of self-acceptance. I just want to be me. I want to look like myself, and that means accept my hair as is - I don't want to chase the Eurocentric beauty ideals because I will never look or be European. Everyone's beautiful and attractive, so am I.

I realize that consequences will follow my decision such as job prospects and having peoples ignorant preconceived notions pushed on me: some people will assume I smoke weed all day, don't wash my hair, along with everything else they assume. But as of now, I don't care. I am me, I just want to keep learning about myself and just be happy with my life decisions, and feel that I am making a positive impact in this world.

I also feel like this is perfect timing. I'll be starting my studies in naturopathic medicine this September, and making this decision prior may not have been the best choice. But now, I feel that I am finding my place of being, and I want to be real to my patients and real within myself.

Now all I need to do is find a loctitian and get "loc'd"!